Someone posted a "free water testing" sample bottle through our door. We are supposed to fill the bottle with our tap water and return it for testing. I assumed they were going to try to sell us a water filter, so I ignored it. However, I have (belatedly) decided on a strategy:
1. Fill the test bottle with good scotch (minimal investment). 2. Pretend ignorance for long enough to sell the house to the testing company for several million pounds. 3. Retire.